Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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