drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
