I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
