Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
