New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
