R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize