You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
