Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
