i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
