I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
