last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need a sexual gate keeper
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
