dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
