No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
