I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
