I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize