my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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