Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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