I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
