oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
