i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
