He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
