I wish you could order shots online.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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