so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize