I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
