isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
