did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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