Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight

Fav 1 864 2017
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(630): View more from Illinois

Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

Fav 28 3350 1287
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(850): View more from Florida

Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?

Fav 11 2147 3461
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(206): View more from Washington

I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case

Fav 20 3226 1463
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(404): View more from Georgia

Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.

Fav 16 6134 1462
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(631): View more from New York

Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

Fav 5 1503 3004
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(407): View more from Florida

This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

Fav 9 2554 1333
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(813): View more from Florida

It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!

Fav 3 370 202
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(513): View more from Ohio

Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home

Fav 0 20 189
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