i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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