She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
