Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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