At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
