Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
