Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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