Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
