I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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