just tell him i said nine months
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
