if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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