i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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