It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
