shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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