There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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