I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize