He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
