Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
