Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
