bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
