I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
