It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
