What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
