so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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