i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
