He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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