remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
