i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
