we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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