I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
