dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
