I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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