i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
