Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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