He had one of those small greek statue penises
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
