My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
