You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
