idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
