Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
