Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
