I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
