Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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