i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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