By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Alive.
So much puke
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
