i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
