I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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