There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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