I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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