Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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