Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
