My hand turned me down
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
