it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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