3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
