I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
