honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
