That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
