I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
