Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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