you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
