This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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