I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
