I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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