hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
