Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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