I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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