i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
