eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
