i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
