it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
