whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You've changed since you got that strap on
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
