These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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