i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
