i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
