Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
