Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
