apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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