I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
