Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
