so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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